I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Randomize
