I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
