today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
