Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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