You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
