so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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