I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I need moral support for this bender
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Drunk is not a location!
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
