he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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