The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
The best revenge is premature balding
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
