New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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