I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
