I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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