Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
