they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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