READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
