im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
