Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
