i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
