why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
