some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Randomize
