It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Randomize
