Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
