I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
