apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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