Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
