Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
