just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
