is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
