She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
