I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
