Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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