She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
