Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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