just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
