I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
