Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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