HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I said "one day" and that day is not today
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
