he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
my liver is dry heaving
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
