Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
