Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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