omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Randomize
