Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
