booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
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