i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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