I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
