he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
