party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
