my vag is so smooth its legendary
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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