The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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