she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Randomize
