I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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