I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
