very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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