I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Randomize
