maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
