that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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